An Ode to Self-Care

Illustration by Iain Duffus

My homie’s boyfriend is the worst. Within my squad we all really dislike our home-girl’s boyfriend. He doesn’t have many redeeming qualities and his list of cons is ridiculous. We don’t know what she sees in him and we worry that she is allowing herself to be held back by his foolishness in one of the best times of her life. How can we respectfully approach her and let her know what’s up?

This is such a conundrum to be in because it’s so hard to make someone who is wearing rosecolored lenses to take them off. It seems the easiest way to approach your friend would be to ask her out for a good old fashioned ladies’ night. No boys, no troubles and then vocalize your concerns about her boyfriend and how he’s affecting the friend group in such an adverse manner. Now, I don’t know if your friend is going to be open to hearing criticisms like that or if she’ll come out of a bag on you, but advocate and vocalize your feelings and good luck! Some of the stupidest fights between friends have been over boys. Don’t fall victim.

Can two friends really just be or will one person always want more? When should you break the friendship or move on?

I think in most situations it’s better to end things amicably, but that is not always a possibility for everyone. However for loversturned-friends, it can be especially daunting to do, largely for people who were just so intimate with one another and things did not end on a bad note. If maintaining the friendship is too much to handle, then for your own health you should definitely break it off. Get to know yourself outside the realm of this person and try to be friends later if you still desire to be connected to this person in some way.

My boyfriend makes me feel that I owe him sexual favors in return for how much he’s been there for me emotionally. When I don’t comply with everything he requests, I’m told that I’m asking for more than I’m willing to give. Is the problem really me here?

Absolutely not. The only one here with a problem is your lame boyfriend who thinks it’s okay to emotionally blackmail you for sex. If he’s offering you support just for sex at the end this guy does not (and probably never did) have your best interests in mind. I’d highly recommend evaluating if he even deserves to be in your life and to be linked to you romantically.

How do you start a new chapter in your life in general? What would you suggest for the first step?

Firstly, I believe you have to have a new mentality that you didn’t have before, you don’t want to end up changing your scenery but not your situation. Secondly have a plan. A lot of people love the spontaneity of dropping everything and going somewhere else, but as you get older that’s not as viable, and thirdly — inhale logic, exhale purpose. Have a semblance of what you want your life to look like in the future.


If you’d like to send Shaun a question you can submit them via email at Jacksonsk@commonwelathtimes.org or anonymously at Lascivious-Witch.Tumblr.Com/Ask  


Shaun Jackson, Staff Columnist

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